Being a Mother Who Tries: Notes on Mother’s Day 2024

Dear mothers, perfection cannot be the goal because perfection is impossible. I’ve said that before, and I’ll always take the opportunity to repeat myself because I believe it’s too easy to believe otherwise—especially for mothers. You should leave room for error, but at the same time, deliver empathy for others and welcome advice and encouragement as well. After all, you need all three of those. Sometimes kids act like they have no brain! In 2021, I went through one of the darkest moments of my life as a mother. So trust me when I say this: what I’m communicating to you is not from a textbook that I pulled out and thought I might give to you. I am living what I am sharing with you.

Various sources state that moms today believe they can do it all on their own. Feelings of guilt, burnout, and body issues are all among the burdens impacting twenty-first century moms. Being a mother who tries is enough, but I want you to reconsider what you’re trying. Stand up, Mom. And while you’re standing, these are the things I want you to do . . .

Try Patience

If you’re not ready to develop patience, motherhood may not be for you. If you are a mother, I know you agree with me here. At the root of effective parenting, we can find patience.

Mom, are you going to love until the end or are you going to quit? Will you stop loving? It’s hard to keep loving when it doesn’t seem like it’s doing any good. It can seem like it’s not sinking in or that it’s not being recognized. But remember: it’s not about us.

The things I know now I wish I knew when my children were younger. For example, I realize now how easy it is to come from a place of frustration. Do not rest in the place where you’re frustrated and stressed out. Employ patience. Hire it to work for you.

Try Selflessness

Let’s take a minute to consider the definition of selflessness. Essentially, it means you care more about what other people need than what you need. Now, I don’t mean to abandon your needs; you cannot function physically or emotionally if you don’t take care of yourself. What I do mean is that you must be careful not to allow your emotions to dictate your actions towards your children.

Many times, our kids can drive us to the point of losing our tempers. But I’ve come to realize that the majority of the cases for me losing my temper were not because of the way my kids were acting; it was my own frustration. It could be their need for attention; it could be because I wanted them to do something else, and it forced me to deny myself.

Selflessness comes in to play here. Nurture. Do not fly off the handle. Yes, that requires emotional maturity, but I believe you must be emotionally mature to parent well. When I’m not worrying about what I want to get done then I’m less likely to fly into a fury; I can calmly respond and bring the stress down for everyone. These are the moments and opportunities when we have to be selfless. I believe that if you try, you can put on that peace-making selflessness.

Try Abandoning Defensiveness

I used to be very defensive, and I have to work on that still because my defensiveness can easily be an avenue to combativeness. When you are this way, you miss out on the truth. It is too easy to point the finger at our children and other things. Sometimes you must look in the mirror. Yes, this can be extremely difficult, but I believe it leaves more room for love.


            There are no step-by-step instructions for how to be a good mom. We’re not talking about microwave parenting. Sometimes it’s going to take a minute. But are you willing to stand? In honor of Mother’s Day, all I ask of you is to keep trying to be patient, selfless, and open. Regardless of the bar you set for yourself, you will fail, but that’s okay. Just keep trying—that’s where grace and love are found.

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