What is a mother?
A woman struggles to conceive. A woman gives life to a baby who’s given to another family to raise and to love. A woman adopts a child. A woman whose womb has never borne children mentors a young lady.
With this answer, I can confidently say that motherhood looks different on everyone.
Understand that motherhood is an adventure. It’s a journey, and no advice for new parents could articulate every part of it. Even if you’re not a parent, think about your own mother or any parent you’ve met in your life. As you consider the expectations of a mother and just a fraction of the challenges she may encounter, you can find some drops of wisdom to apply to your own life. Some answer the calling of motherhood equipped, informed, educated, or skillful. Some come unprepared. Either way, grace should not be withheld from anyone.
Mothers are women who will make parenting mistakes. There are many flaws they can have that can directly or indirectly inflict pain on their children. Their decisions or mistakes can do the same. What we must understand is that if you are a mother, plan to be one, or have a mother, understand mothers are going to—without a doubt—make mistakes. Neither you nor they are perfect. As a result, rather than perfection, the goal becomes a solid and safe foundation.
#1 Tip for Mother: Foundation over Perfection
Mothering does not happen in a vacuum. You are not what happened to you, as the saying goes, but if you are not intentional,
you can impart your trauma or insecurities to your children by accident, regardless of how much you’ve read about how to be a good mom.
Ask yourself what you are passing down because I can guarantee you’re passing down something! Are you passing down your fears along with your faith? Are you passing down your doubts, insecurities, or inadequacies? You have to ask yourself, “What happened to me? And am I projecting that thing onto my child?”
When my oldest went off to college, I was so concerned about her getting up on time and being where she’s supposed to be. When your children are in their freshmen year, you’re so excited about this new journey that they’re on and want them to be successful. But I realized I was so afraid! I had a fear of her failing. So, I was calling and texting and calling and texting. “Are you up? Are you in the class? Have you eaten? What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you going there?” Eventually, she said to me, “Mom, trust in the foundation that you’ve laid for me.”
In working with so many women caught in human trafficking, I know it happens all the time, even on college campuses. You hear all these horrendous stories, and I was so afraid for her because I dealt with that same fear of safety in my own life—and I realized I was projecting that onto my child. I had to change course. I said to myself, “Let me not instill fear, not project fear on her, but communicate the importance of trusting in God.”
#2 Tip for Mother: Stand Up!
Lastly, I want to encourage all mothers to stand in difficult times. When there’s an attack on your child, you have to be the sane one. You are the mature one and you know where to go. Yes, as mothers, we will shed tears; we’ll cry, we’ll go through all kinds of changes, we’ll think no one understands, but God is with us every step of the way.
In 2021, I went through one of the darkest moments of my life as a mother. Some of you know what it’s like to have kids with addictions in their lives, and it can be challenging to be strong. But when you make the decision to stay clearheaded and focused and continue to walk in love, your family will reap the benefits.
This isn’t some textbook answer that I pulled out and thought I might give you. No, it’s what I have lived and am living. You’ve got to make up in your mind that if you’re the only one standing, even if you’re an audience of one, that’s all it takes!
Conclusion
March is Women’s History Month in the United States. During this month, we reflect on how far the country has come in uplifting and securing women’s safety and rights. I challenge you to honor your own mother as a way of celebrating women’s history month. Mothers are far from perfect, but I believe when we can extend grace and understanding, we can find peace for ourselves. And mothers, celebrate yourselves! Be confident in the knowledge hat God will continue to help you through every failure and every triumph.
Happy Women’s Month!
Note: I encourage you to join me and other anointed speakers for BLOOM: Radical Women’s Conference 2024 this Thursday and Friday, March 14th and 15th. Get the tools you need to blossom in the garden God has planted you in. Be bold. Be fresh. Be empowered! Register while seats are still available.
