Trigger Warning: Please skip the second paragraph if needed, as it briefly mentions physical violence, specifically rape. Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233.

Blaming other people is not going to place you where you want to be. Ladies, when we point an accusing finger, it is rarely at the reflection in the mirror. Let’s remove the veil and gain insight on the topic of blame. Blame is something that can so easily gain a prominent place in our lives, and if we aren’t careful, not only could it replace the beauty but also prevent the miraculous.

Blaming is the habit of attributing responsibility for what happened to us on something or someone else. Now, there have obviously been instances where someone has been the victim of cruelty or physical violence, so please note that I am not referring to those situations, nor am I victim-blaming. Eighteen percent of prosecuted rape cases end in conviction and 37% of rape cases are never prosecuted. Victims deserve to be believed. I am referring to situations such as blaming a boss for not receiving a coveted promotion or blaming a sister for your mother’s perceived coldness towards you. In the latter instances, we can easily see that blaming a boss or a sister does not change anything or even reveal a path towards healing.

With Blame, Things Stay the Same

People who insist on playing the infamous blame game rarely change because instead of visualizing the change they want to see in their lives, they focus on the hurdle that has delayed them. Delayed does not mean denied, dead, or doomed. When we blame others for a delay, we just waste even more time. Were you even truly ready for this pivot in your career? Is that what God wanted for you right now? What are the personality differences between you and your mother? Do past hurts and misunderstandings linger in that relationship?

The Society of Pointing Fingers

The general public’s inclination towards blame is not surprising. It remains a popular reaction to various situations due to social media, which has made it even easier for the world not only to assign blame, but announce it as well. We can say, “It’s their fault,” without a second thought because social media platforms and even news programs have built this kind of behavior into the culture. However, the truth remains that figuring out who’s to blame is not an effective way to address or heal certain situations in our life.

We live in a society of victimization, evidenced by things such as frivolous lawsuits based on a failure to take responsibility and admit one’s mistakes. Unfortunately, the idea of looking in the mirror is terrifying for a vast majority of individuals, but there is beauty in having the courage to do so. After you understand the work that must be done to obtain the desired outcome in your life, you can finally abandon the idea that another person has more power over your life than you do.

Equip Your Agency

            No one can keep you in your current situation except you. YOU have the ability to make key choices that can catapult you from the pit. Please note that you have every right not to be stranded, not to be strained, not to be contained. I urge you to make the decision to reevaluate your capabilities and assess what you can do to move beyond how you have been wronged. Victors accept and take responsibility for any losses, and this is key in their eventual path to victory. Let go of blame and refuse to be the same!

Note: I encourage you to join me and other anointed speakers for BLOOM: Radical Women’s Conference 2024. Get the tools you need to blossom in the garden God has planted you in. Be bold. Be fresh. Be empowered! Register while seats are still available. Click here: BLOOM Radical Women’s Conference 2024